Soul searching

my soul is searching for something........and i am so sure that at least i am know i am searching. Its not that i dont know. why it happens that i have every thing ....mostly if not ever thing...then also i feel this is not why i am born for. Thirst in me is not for some momentary fun but something that goes till eternity. After month long marriage ceremony...i am back to my usual schedule. I am not feeling well. or it seems to me that not feeling well is more at the soul level than just physical pain. I miss him so much. Dont know if i had missed him equally had i spent more time with him.
My eyes are moist and my heart hurts...that teasing pain in my heart......what is it that i am searching for love or peace or god.

What is called grown up???

It all happened day before yesterday when I went into heated argument with a friend. I was talking to him on the phone. It all started for a very petty reason, things went from one to the other and we got into blame game just then all of a sudden my phone got disconnected............i started calling up again....rang..ringing ringing ringing...stopped..again tried, ...rang..ringing ringing ringing..stopped..once again calling...ringing ringing ringing....stopped.....oh no it shouldn't have disconnected me not when we were at the top....damn it the network.....it wasn't good feeling to fight with one of your best friend and leave it in middle when all you wanted say that you need him to be your side and listen to you ........... ileft a message tried all night but still there was no response....by morning i was really worried...some thought crossed my mind what if he actually hanged the phone and he is not receiving my phone..i quickly shrugged my shoulder as that wasn't even close his charming sauve personality. Ofcourse i am quick to apologies as i cant live my life with contemp and anger for the other person.....and after 20-30 apologies Mr. Leo was ready once again to listen to me.
When i confronted he confirmed that it was him to hang up my phone on my face and he was deliberately not recieving my call........now how is it possible. all the time you were convinced that here is the guy who is grown up and mature enough. CAN HE DO SOMETHING LIKE THIS????

i mean i have to revise my definition of grown up and maturity. Is maturity all about posing to the other person. Or is it something associatedwith an adult behaviour...........

Or can a 24 years old of todays generation becomes mature, By mature I mean when you dont like to keep grudges against the other person, like to let go the things and be clear on certain aspects......
It is true that todays 24 years old have more access to information that it was 10 years back but doesit also enhance matirity level.

Maturity comes with age.....you might become sauve, mannered, diplomat etc (with knowledge) but maturity that is taught by lifeitself ...life that takes its own turn and meander through many phases where it inculcate rich wisdon in the person.......

This incidents was very insignificant but it got me into thinking on maturity of todays generation.
A 24 years old will always remains 24 years old no matter how many books he has read, or how much he has travelled..............maturity is a function of time, wisdom, life and persons affinity to percieve it and adopt it.

So what about grown up!!!!
Is grown means being mature or does it mean having traits to lead practical life...........
Comments?????

Ego...a 3 letterword that can take your world by storm....

and so whatever comes in my mind disappear while i am writing down. was reading an article on Ego. that ego is basically more to do with mind rather than brain. there are three types ego that are generally psyche based. Id, unconscious ego driving our basic need, ego itself that caters to Id, super ego and external world and super ego in the end. Ego comes with age and experience and our learning form the world. Super ego is our exaggerated ego.
whatever be the definition by our philosopher and scientist. Ego as for day to day life isn't very great thing. ego destroys relationship...limits ones space, hurt others, hurt to oneself and brings lifelong pain.

I was thinking how simple ego can spark enmity between two people even though they do like each other but overcoming it becomes difficult if its too much.....a little bit of perseverence and things could have been brought under control but alas.......ego has to show its bitter side.........its good sometimes when it helps you earn respect. when someone else gives up his ego and accepts you and let you dominate...........

But when it start taxing your relationship then what next.................is it worth holding when your inner peace is getting lost for this three letter word.......is it three letter only or the three phases of life......
Should Ego be allowed to ruin your relationship ?
would like to know your thoughts.......common people we all know we have lost things just for this sp its worth knowing your opinion....

Its almost an year.....

Its almost an year and i have still not moved an inch (asthetically speaking) from my last post. Too much in anticipation that i had promised to keep writing my blog, here i am coming again after an year. so the latestest achievement is that i have learned and practiced salsa as well as am currently enrolled in Art of living course...............thats for now...let me have my own internet at home...will be more regular in writing down my thoughts...